Unless You're in my Shoes

So, I have a child that is a challenge. Not that she isn't wonderful and funny, expressive, smart and insightful and 100 other 'positive' things, but she IS, honestly, very challenging. And I'm going to say it, because no one really wants to admit they have one of those. Or if they do, it's in hushed tones, down played and with piles of guilt.

So enough. She's a challenge. But she's my challenge and if you mess with her, I will bury your body where it will never be found.

She was my easiest pregnancy. No morning sickness, no cravings, and I carried her like a basketball under my shirt until towards the end where I got fat all over. But I digress.....

Then she got here. I tried to nurse her and I thought she was going to suck out my shoulder blade. It never got 'better' and I gave it up at 8 weeks. She was colicky. She wanted to be held all the time. She screamed as soon as she got in the car and cried til she got out. Every trip. For almost 2 yrs. She hated stores. She cried from entering til exiting. Every time. For over 2 yrs. When I took away her bottle she went on a milk strike that went on for almost a year.

Every thing she did made me feel like a failure as a mom. And it didn't help when I tried to talk about what was going on, no one thought it was really that bad. But it was. And everyone said it would pass. And it didn't. It just morphed. From one 'thing' to the next 'thing'. Then her personality got blamed on her red hair or being the second child. I figured that was it bc I had nothing else to go by.

As time went on, there were other things that would stand out to me at random...her physical abilities, her need to smell everything, her obsession with swinging and jumping. She HATED preschool. HATED. I finally let her 'quit' and her upset stomach stopped and she quit grinding her teeth.

Then my sister sent me this link HERE and it was like this mommy-blogger had been raising MY child the last 4 years.  It was a little unnerving. I like how she laid it all out in her blog, which is also part of an overview of a book that I ordered Right That Minute, which is why I linked you to her blog. No need for me to reinvent the wheel.

I was excited about this book helping me become the parent my daughter needed, but I was still skeptical. I wasn't sure it would work and what if my child was somehow manipulating me? Was I just giving in to her? Was I catering to a 'faulty' personality? Or what if she acted the way she did because I was a bad mother to her?

This book has helped me see that her brain is literally wired differently. And there are things and strategies that Gabe and I can use (very easy ones, no less!) to make things easier for us and work WITH her instead of setting us all up to fail. The closest example I can thing of is this: If your child is dyslexic, is insisting/yelling/punishing them going to make them NOT reverse their letters and numbers? Can you 'make' them NOT be dyslexic? If you just stick to your guns and refuse to recognize the difference your LD child has, will that somehow make them be able to read? NO. It won't and it can't.

It's the same with a 'spirited' child. And you can believe what you want, and you can think what you want, but you CAN'T tell me that this isn't real. Or that I'm wrong. Or that my child is anything less than awesome. If you don't have a spirited child, you haven't walked in my shoes.

I don't want anyone to think that this blog is a rant or a letter in my defense. I have written this blog so that other frustrated parents can maybe see their own child in mine, or ease their own 'mommy guilt' and find the same resource I have. I am only half way thru the book, and I feel like I have a different outlook. I have better skills and me and my child (and thereby the REST of my family) are flowing better.

I am working on giving my daughter coping skills and self confidence while she learns that I understand her and love her to pieces. And isn't that what being a parent is all about?

Here is a link to the book.

OMGOSH PANTS!

I have a daughter who has issues with pants. Well, waist bands in general. And she's not a big fan of long sleeved shirts. But those are less of a fight than pants. And forget about a 3/4 sleeve shirt. It will make her insane. That I understand.

So back to pants.....

I have no idea what her standard for pants are. Last winter it seemed to be that as long as it didn't zip or button, we were fine. Then suddenly, the rules changed, but no one told me. I was just left with a 4 year old who would scream about her pants not fitting, and then would throw out random words like tight and loose, but about the same pair. I don't think she knew what she was saying, only hoping in her hysteria that those words would some how get me to agree to nakedness from the waist down. It didn't. (BTW, her undies are never an issue. I'm not sure why, but I am grateful.)

So last March and April she mostly wore a pair of 'yoga' pants. Then summer came, and we had the same problem with shorts. I was at least able to get a few pairs of shorts that she liked and didn't have a problem with, and then since it was summer, we had the whole sundress option.

Now we are back to fall, and heaven help me. There are no jeans she likes. I have 2 pairs of capris that she seems OK with. But pretty soon it's going to be cold, and she will have to suck it up and wear the jeans. Or maybe, the heavens will open and there will appear in my home a pair of pants...pants that she likes and meet whatever random criteria she has for pants. I can only hope. Meantime, I dread picking out her clothes with her (or for her) because I know there will be an issue if one of the Magic Pants aren't clean.

Oh, and the kicker on the pants is that this fall, she HATES the yoga pants. What. The. Heck. Seriously? Am I on Candid Camera or what ever the equivalent is now?!?!?

The need for Magic Pants also extends to pajama bottoms. She can only sleep in the shirt part. The pants end up on the floor. This is not a battle I am willing to fight. It's night and hopefully she will stay under the covers. Night gowns are good. I got 2 at a rummage sale JUST in the nick of time. Footie pajamas are hit or miss. As in, one night the pink ones will be OK and the next night the pink ones are "wicked". (In her words "wicked" is the worst thing a person or thing can be called. Today I got a triple (!) wicked after not letting her eat M&Ms before lunch.)

I guess all I can do is pray WalMart puts out their children's collection of sweatsuits. Soon. And that the weather cools off. Soon. And then pray that spring doesn't arrive until my daughter is 20 and on her own and can buy her own pairs of Magic Pants to wear in her Magic House where she can eat M&Ms before lunch if she wants to! Because by then I will be either in a loony bin or on a beach somewhere and I won't care.

But then, Wicked Mommies always care.......