So today was not such a great day around here. Nothing really terrible happened, but there seemed to be a lot of me pushing the kids in the direction I wanted them to go. Not ACTUAL pushing....I guess like 'verbal prodding'. Nagging- OK- it was nagging. I don't know what language I was speaking today, but it wasn't the one my kids understood. I felt like the teacher in all the Charlie Brown cartoons. So between that and the fact that yesterday had been soooo good, it sadly didn't take much for me to start feeling down. And I just kept sliding down down down, til I became a sad heap.
I really should know better. I know those stupid thoughts and where they lead. But today I didn't fight them; I rode the wave of self pity like a pro. My brain was a vortex of thoughts like "No one cares that you give up so much to stay home. No one cares that you knock yourself out. Look at you- you're a stay at home mom cliche. Gross. Is that peanut butter and boogers on your jeans? I bet Gabe doesn't appreciate what you do. The kids don't. Look at the house- it's a mess. What do you do all day? Get fatter? Older? Yell at the kids? You're doing more harm to them than good."
I post those thoughts for a couple of reasons. Not so that anyone feels bad for me or tries to make me feel better....I post them because I have learned that if I am feeling a certain way, chances are I have at least one friend/aquaintance that feels the same. And by getting them out there in the open, the lies loose their power. Satan looses power.
And as I was crying and trying to make pancakes for dinner, something happened. I heard Hadley in the playroom recite a verse I taught her a couple of weeks ago. She was loud and clear and said it perfectly. My head cleared and I saw the ugly thoughts for what they were....Lies. Stupid lies I fall for almost every time.
Her sweet voice put everything into perspective. That is why I do what I do, day after day, meaningless task after meaningless task. I do (or should be doing) everything to the glory of God. (
I Cor 10:31) If I am doing what God calls me to do, I cannot swim in self pity or drown in despair. He will give me grace to handle today, and tomorrow will give me the grace to handle tomorrow.
So tomorrow, I will start over. Thankfully, it's a new day with new chances.
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
