I am still major on medication and I have no idea if this post will make sense or not. The bottom line is, I went in today to have two things done. One was have the IUD that had moved to where it shouldn't be removed since it couldn't be removed normally. The other was to have Essure put in.
It required lots of meds, although I was still awake. I even got a shot in the booty. And then about 3 inside 'there'. The one in the butt was worse. After much work, they fished out the IUD. Yay. Then they started with the Essure. Basically, that involves putting springs in each tube and then letting it scar over.
My insides were not cooperative. My uterus is very prolapsed. And my tubes aren't quite right either. They (well, the only one they worked on) had lots of spasms and violently rejected the springs. The head Essure Dr-dude was in there to assist, and even he was in awe of what my body was doing/not doing.
Also, there was a lot of pain. A very sweet nurse held my hand and rubbed my leg and kept handing me tissues because at this point I was in a lot of pain. Lots. And then I kept crying despite of myself.
They had to give up. So that made me cry more since all that had been for nothing.
They gave me other options, but we have no idea what we want to do now. I can barely type this, so I'
m going to need a few days to get clear headed, and then we'll start from there.
So I am a freak of nature, lol, and this didn't work for me. Thanks for all the prayers and texts. Sorry if some of this blog was TMI. Also, thanks to my dad for going with me to drive and my mom for keeping the kids and then cooking a really great dinner that everyone inhaled.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
The End
I debated about posting this.....really it's no one's business. Everyone has their opinion. But since I occasionally get comments about my honestly being helpful to someone, here it goes.....
On Wednesday, I will take measures to make sure that I won't have anymore babies. It's like tube-tying, but no cutting or burning is required. It's actually called Essure, and I will go into my ob/gyn's office and they will insert something into my tubes and then leave it in there. In 3 mos, I will go back and they will test to see if scar tissue has formed and is blocking my tubes. And that will be that.
I was pretty sure when I was pregnant with my last that I wanted her to be my last. I don't mind babies. I don't mind kids. I. Hate. Being. Pregnant. Babies are a blessing, yes, but not so much pregnancy. At least for me. It's 40 weeks of total misery. And I have 'side effects' to pregnancy that I didn't even know you could have. Like Restless Leg Syndrome. Except over my whole body from week 18 onward. I don't deal with pregnancy very well. Labor is a piece of cake, though, really. Under 12 hours of labor and less than 15 min of pushing is impressive. I thing my body is as ready to be done with the whole invasion as my brain is.
But Gabe and I gave ourselves a several year window to make the final call juuuuuust in case. There's a long list of things that if they were different, I would be more willing to have another baby. But it is really long and full of things that no one can guarantee or make happen. Like space, money, no more Restless Leg Syndrome, migraines, vein issues, etc. Oh, and I'd have to find a new drs office since mine got rid of all their midwives (except the one I don't like). And then I'd have to go off certain meds, and I am at the point where that isn't an idea that works. Jadyn and Ava would have to go to public school in that instance. (Just trust me when I say me not on meds isn't a good idea on ANY level.)
Then there's the bigger issue of my want/love of orphans. I just don't think I (me, just ME- not passing judgement on others, ME) could have another when there are so many hundreds of thousands of children that are in foster care or orphanages. I would feel guilty. I would rather give a child that is already in this world a chance at a family than have another of my own, just for the sake of having one more.
I am sad when I think of no more babies. I'd love to have a boy. I'd love to have another blond so people (might) stop asking my if Jadyn is mine or a friend of the family. I see little round faced, red headed boys and imagine that's probably that's what ours would look like if had another. I look at pictures of my girls as babies and wish I could go back in time, just for a day. And I wish often I could freeze time so they won't get any bigger or older. But popping out another one won't stop time. And it's ok to be sad and wonder 'if''. A passing of an era is sad.
But I am alright, underneath it all. And so is Gabe. We have prayed and are looking forward to what may come our way. I'm nervous about the actual procedure on Wed, but am at peace with the over all picture. I have been blessed three times over and wouldn't trade them for anything.
Prayers appreciated Wed at 11.
On Wednesday, I will take measures to make sure that I won't have anymore babies. It's like tube-tying, but no cutting or burning is required. It's actually called Essure, and I will go into my ob/gyn's office and they will insert something into my tubes and then leave it in there. In 3 mos, I will go back and they will test to see if scar tissue has formed and is blocking my tubes. And that will be that.
I was pretty sure when I was pregnant with my last that I wanted her to be my last. I don't mind babies. I don't mind kids. I. Hate. Being. Pregnant. Babies are a blessing, yes, but not so much pregnancy. At least for me. It's 40 weeks of total misery. And I have 'side effects' to pregnancy that I didn't even know you could have. Like Restless Leg Syndrome. Except over my whole body from week 18 onward. I don't deal with pregnancy very well. Labor is a piece of cake, though, really. Under 12 hours of labor and less than 15 min of pushing is impressive. I thing my body is as ready to be done with the whole invasion as my brain is.
But Gabe and I gave ourselves a several year window to make the final call juuuuuust in case. There's a long list of things that if they were different, I would be more willing to have another baby. But it is really long and full of things that no one can guarantee or make happen. Like space, money, no more Restless Leg Syndrome, migraines, vein issues, etc. Oh, and I'd have to find a new drs office since mine got rid of all their midwives (except the one I don't like). And then I'd have to go off certain meds, and I am at the point where that isn't an idea that works. Jadyn and Ava would have to go to public school in that instance. (Just trust me when I say me not on meds isn't a good idea on ANY level.)
Then there's the bigger issue of my want/love of orphans. I just don't think I (me, just ME- not passing judgement on others, ME) could have another when there are so many hundreds of thousands of children that are in foster care or orphanages. I would feel guilty. I would rather give a child that is already in this world a chance at a family than have another of my own, just for the sake of having one more.
I am sad when I think of no more babies. I'd love to have a boy. I'd love to have another blond so people (might) stop asking my if Jadyn is mine or a friend of the family. I see little round faced, red headed boys and imagine that's probably that's what ours would look like if had another. I look at pictures of my girls as babies and wish I could go back in time, just for a day. And I wish often I could freeze time so they won't get any bigger or older. But popping out another one won't stop time. And it's ok to be sad and wonder 'if''. A passing of an era is sad.
But I am alright, underneath it all. And so is Gabe. We have prayed and are looking forward to what may come our way. I'm nervous about the actual procedure on Wed, but am at peace with the over all picture. I have been blessed three times over and wouldn't trade them for anything.
Prayers appreciated Wed at 11.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Please send me to Fat Camp....
I am so frustrated. I have cut out lots of foods and tried to keep moving and I can't seem to lose weight. I lost all the weight after Jadyn. I lost about half of it after Ava, and then got preggers with Hadley and added to it. So what I weigh now is what I weighed when I gave birth to Ava, so needless to say, I feel huge. I resent my skinny friends. I resent my friends that can go to the gym or have their kids in school so they can actually exercise without being pestered to death. I seem unable to find a consistent time to be able to walk in my neighborhood. And I kind of don't care because even when I did it everyday, I still held on to my weight. I guess I need even more than a 40 min speed walk. I have tried to dress nicer so at least I feel better about myself. Which worked for a bit, but now I am seeing pics and worse, a video of myself, and I want to crawl in a hole. It's been almost four years. I am ready to move on. And I would be happy to just lose SOME of it. I don't even care if I make it to pre-baby weight.
Pardon the pity party. I'm just so frustrated.
Pardon the pity party. I'm just so frustrated.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Bits
***When school ended, I was contemplating what to do with my oldest one during the summer, if anything. I am all for giving kids a BREAK from school; I think they need that. And I have seen her struggle with something in the spring, have her summer break, and then magically know/do that same concept when we start school again. Mostly I was wondering if I should keep drilling her math facts, telling time, count change, and make her read to me through the summer.
Turns out that I didn't need to worry about 3 out of 4 of those things.....she is (slightly) obsessed with reading the clock. We got a big wall clock for our living room back in the spring, and it apparently beckons her to read it and then announce the time. She is also reading at least a book a day to me. She begs me to listen to her read. And for the last three weekends we have had a yard sale and there has been tons of coinage around here that she has enjoyed counting. I guess we will get to the math facts eventually! Or not. We'll see.
***It has been the Week Of Babies around here. One friend had her (3rd) baby and as she was leaving the hospital, another friend was going in to have her (4th) baby. And yet another friend surprised the FaceBook world by finally announcing (and bringing home) her newborn adopted twin boys! And it's only Wednesday!!! (And if you're wondering if that makes ME want to have another baby, I can tell you. No. It doesn't.)
***My two youngest girls learned about the Ten Commandments last Sunday at church. My 3 year old was able to tell me several of them, and my 5 year old informed me that 'resting on God's Day means napping after church'. LOL I'll have to remind her of that next Sunday when I am trying to sleep.
***We got the results back from our ChickFilA fundraiser. We made about $150. Thanks again to all that came out! We will be doing it again at the Monroe location THIS TUES from 5-8.
***Lastly, we have our hosting training on Friday evening. I am looking forward to it! It's always a great chance to meet the other hosting parents in the area, although it can be overwhelming. I'm not anticipating anything (the guidelines) to be super different than the other organization we hosted through, but we'll see. And I feel like I am ahead of the curve because I have so many pictures of K, and know a lot about her already. Maybe that will take some of the blind terror out of it. ;-)
Turns out that I didn't need to worry about 3 out of 4 of those things.....she is (slightly) obsessed with reading the clock. We got a big wall clock for our living room back in the spring, and it apparently beckons her to read it and then announce the time. She is also reading at least a book a day to me. She begs me to listen to her read. And for the last three weekends we have had a yard sale and there has been tons of coinage around here that she has enjoyed counting. I guess we will get to the math facts eventually! Or not. We'll see.
***It has been the Week Of Babies around here. One friend had her (3rd) baby and as she was leaving the hospital, another friend was going in to have her (4th) baby. And yet another friend surprised the FaceBook world by finally announcing (and bringing home) her newborn adopted twin boys! And it's only Wednesday!!! (And if you're wondering if that makes ME want to have another baby, I can tell you. No. It doesn't.)
***My two youngest girls learned about the Ten Commandments last Sunday at church. My 3 year old was able to tell me several of them, and my 5 year old informed me that 'resting on God's Day means napping after church'. LOL I'll have to remind her of that next Sunday when I am trying to sleep.
***We got the results back from our ChickFilA fundraiser. We made about $150. Thanks again to all that came out! We will be doing it again at the Monroe location THIS TUES from 5-8.
***Lastly, we have our hosting training on Friday evening. I am looking forward to it! It's always a great chance to meet the other hosting parents in the area, although it can be overwhelming. I'm not anticipating anything (the guidelines) to be super different than the other organization we hosted through, but we'll see. And I feel like I am ahead of the curve because I have so many pictures of K, and know a lot about her already. Maybe that will take some of the blind terror out of it. ;-)
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