Baby in the Bath Water, Pt 2

This is addressing the blog I keep seeing called "18 Reasons Why Doctors and Lawyers Homeschool Their Children" You can read it for yourself HERE.

The title drives me crazy. It might as well say "18 Reasons why smart and affluent people choose to homeschool". But the author is a doctor (so she says) so I'll leave it alone.

Reason #1  We spend less time homeschooling each day than we used to spend driving.
>>>Oh My. I don't have her actual schedule for dropping off and picking up, but it sounds horrendous. I'm not a huge fan of buses, and it sounds like she might feel the same.


Reason #2 We can’t afford private education.
>>>I talked about that in my last blog. How Christian schools vilify the public school system but then jack their prices up so high, it makes it an elitist club.

Reason #3  Our kids are excelling academically as homeschoolers. Homeschooling allows us to enrich our children’s strengths and supplement their weaknesses. The kids’ education moves as fast or as slow as required for that particular subject area. They are not pigeon-holed and tracked as gifted, average, or special needs.
>>> Maybe they do excel. But maybe, just maybe, they'd excel anyway. And the moving as fast or slow as your child needs? That gets abused greatly. It's an excuse for many not to push their child. I was convinced my child had learning issues when we (finally) placed her in a public school class. Turns out I was her problem. I could not motivate, and she dragged her feet for me. She doesn't do that to her teacher, and her teacher has gotten more from her this last year than I have gotten out of her in 3 years. It's amazing. It was humbling. I could teach (and did for years) classes of children and never had a problem with them doing work or listening or being motivated. They never came to me crying because they didn't want to do their math paper. They save that for MOM. Taking myself out of the equation solved the issue. No more 'learning problems'. And she enjoys doing homework with me because it's our special time.

Oh, and even though you may not want another adult to 'lable' your child, you do it. Yes, you do. It's how you 'meet their individual needs'.



Reason #4 Homeschooling is not hard, and it’s fun!
>>>If that is the case in your home, I am glad. It wasn't the case in our home. It had it's moments, like most things, but it wasn't exactly 'fun'.


Reason #5 Use whatever public school services you like. Need speech therapy, the gifted program, or remedial academics? Homeschooled kids are still eligible for all these services. Some homeschoolers come into public school daily for “specials” like art, music, PE, or the school play. Your kids can even join high school sports teams once they are old enough. Our kids are still in sports and scouts sponsored by their old schools.
>>>I applaud this use of services. There are also homeschooling co-ops available. I'm all in favor of those also. Everyone gets a break. Everyone gets to socialize and get the help (and fun) they need and want.
(Did anyone else notice she just contradicted herself???)


Reason #6 I like parenting more, by far.
>>>If you feel less pressure 'just' homeschooling than what you were doing before, that's fine. That's not how I and some others I have talked to feel, but it's fine if that's you.


Reason #7 Our family spends our best hours of each day together. We were giving away our kids during their best hours, when they were rested and happy, and getting them back when they were tired, grumpy and hungry. I dreaded each evening, when the fighting and screaming never seemed to end, and my job was to push them through homework, extracurriculars, and music practice. Now, our kids have happy time together each day. At recess time, the kids are actually excited about playing with each other!
>>>Again, not my experience, but Okay. Here, the kids are happy to be reunited and often run off and play together right away. They miss each other, and I love seeing them meet back up and run off into the back yard.


Reason #8 We yell at our kids less.
>>>Um, okay. If you say so.


Reason #9 Our kids have time for creative play and unique interests.
>>>I hear this a lot. Maybe if you have much older kids that I have right now, this could be true. In general, I see public school or private school kids getting to pursue interests. Archery, volley ball, softball, soccer, dance, gymnastics, etc. Most of my homeschooling friends (on line and in real life, plus myself as a child) do nothing. Or one sport. Because even if your child has all day, most studios and teams are set up with practice and games on the weekend and evenings.


I"m combining #10 and #11 We are able to work on the kids’ behavior and work ethic throughout the day. Get rid of bad habits, fast. Dirty clothes dropped on the floor? They used to stay there all day. Now there is no recess until they are cleaned up. I never really had the time to implement most behavioral techniques when my kids were in school. I knew what I needed to do to get my kindergartner to dress herself, but it was easier to dress her myself then deal with the school complaining that she was improperly dressed or late. Now, if she takes too long to get dressed, she misses out on free play time.
>>>This sounds like more of  parenting issue. If your kid is slow and making you late, get them up earlier, Or heaven forbid, they 'only' dress themselves on weekends or after a bath. When J leaves her pjs on the floor, guess what? She doesn't get to go outside until she picks them up. It's still teaching work before play. Oh, and I bet there are adults who aren't as neat as they badger their children into being. I'm often guilty of this myself. There is also a subtle attempt here to say that kids who go TO school are less disciplined than those who stay IN to school.



Reason #12 Be the master of your own schedule. 
>>>This is about the parent, not the child. It's also code for laziness. (Not all the time, I get it. But you see why this would make me cringe.)


Reason #13 Younger children learn from older siblings. 
>>>I have seen this, and it is cool. However, it's also very distracting for the older ones to have a whiny 4 year old wanting to watch what they are doing when they need to concentrate. So it's a toss up.


Reason #14 Save money.
>>>Less gas, not buying prepackaged lunches, etc. Again, this probably varies per family.


Reason #15 Teach your kids practical life skills
>>>Guess those poor public schoolers are screwed. They never have to manage their time, or budget their allowance. Oh, wait.....


16) Better socialization, less unhealthy peer pressure and bullying.
>>>There is a reason the stereotype of 'awkward homeschooler' exists. But there are also awkward people everywhere, so I won't harp here. And I really do sympathize with anyone trying to deal with bullying. Even with systems and helps in place (in school), there are still kids falling through the cracks. If you were to tell me that you are homeschooilng because of bullying (that happened, not bc it MIGHT), my heart would honestly go out to you and your child.


Reason #17 Sleep!
>>>I hear schedules work great. Oh! A chance to practice time management! Hurray!


Reason #18 Teach kids your own values. According to the national center for education statistics, 36% of homeschooling families were primarily motivated by a desire to provide religious or moral instruction. Our family is not part of this 36%– we never objected to any values taught in either our public or private schools. Nevertheless, we’ve really enjoyed building our own traditions and living out our family values in a way that wasn’t possible before homeschooling.
>>>If the only chance you have to teach your children your values or your traditions is between 8:15 and 3:30, there might be a problem. You have birth to 5 or 6 to tell your kids there is no Santa Claus. They won't revert just because they are in class. This past Easter, our daughter in PS was told to draw an Easter picture on the computer during her free time in computer class. Do you know what she drew? An empty tomb, and angel, and a grassy field with the caption "Jesus rose from Death". And even if she had chosen to draw a field full of rabbits and eggs, she still knows what Easter is about. Not because she was homeschooled, but because we talk to her and her sisters and she has awesome Sunday School teachers. And all that didn't stop merely because she went 'out' to school.



I am NOT anti homeschool. I AM anti pat answers, generalizations and stereotypes. I am saying think for yourself without giving in to the fear machines of HSLDA and Focus on the Family, among others. There is a time and a place to homeschool. There is a time and a place for private/Christian school. And there is a time and a place for public schools.



Like I said in my last post, what works for one might not work for others. Homeschooling was the answer for our family, but now that door is closing. Other doors are opening. There is no one size fits all education. And I'm seeing now how hanging on to that belief is prideful and damaging. And as I let go of a life time of beliefs, I see others holding on, and it makes me want to help. Because I see myself in them.


(((You can Read Part One, HERE)))

Sometimes, there is no baby in the bathwater.....(Part One)

I have been mulling something over for about a month. Pieces of this for much longer. There is something I have noticed and it's kind of driving me bonkers.

As someone who has taught in Christian/private schools, home schooled, been home schooled and now a mom of a public school student, I feel like I have a bone to pick.....

Growing up home schooled and going to a billion home schooling conferences, I heard tons of 'horror' stories of public school kids/classes/teachers. Looking back, I am surprised that some of these speakers didn't dim all the lights and put a flashlight under their chin while they spoke. Parents leave these conferences determined not to let their kid go to a public school EVER. So they keep home schooling, and honestly? Some home schooling families have no business "teaching" their kids, because they are learning nothing. (Those are the ones that give the 'good' home schooling families a bad name.) And even if these poor moms are ready to quit home schooling, they can't. There's fear. There's judgement. There's a pile canned, self-righteous answer for all their reasons. Generally speaking, there's no money to send their children to Christian school, public school is 'out' (in their minds) and so they muddle on. Done, but not done.

When I taught (in several) Christian schools, there would be comments from the admins and staff alike that would poo-poo the other Christian school in the area. Basically, gossip. ABC school handled such and such poorly, we would have handled it so much better. XYZ school allows such and such to go on, we would never allow that here. It all pretty much follows the pattern of "they are bad because, we are better because".  Building yourself up with examples that may or may not be true (or based on truth) and tearing another down. It's kind of a manipulative way to keep your staff and students right where you want them, all the while jacking up their tuition so much, it's almost (if not impossible) to send even one child, never mind more than one. But still looking down their noses at public school families and rolling eyes at home schoolers.

I'm pretty tired of the whole scene. There are fabulous teachers in the public school system, just like there are fabulous teachers at the little Christian school down the road, and fabulous mothers teaching their own children. And, news flash, there are horror stories coming out of all three. The public school system is not the enemy. It makes a convenient target, because it's big and vague. And just because you assign too much home work, make your students wear uniforms, and have Christian in your title doesn't make you 'better'. And there are home schooling families that need to put aside their fear and the lies they have swallowed for years and admit they are in over their heads. The bottom line should be your children's education. My oldest has learned more this year in public school. than she has the last 3 years I have taught her. It's been the best thing for her. I can 'just' be her mom, and it's taken a lot of pressure off of me.

It kills me when I hear people say, "I got to hear my child sing praise songs while cleaning their room. Ah, the benefits of home schooling." Or, "I just got to see my child read a chapter out of the Bible. Ah, the benefits of home schooling." Really? Some how my children will never read the Bible or sing praise songs because they are in public school? They will never play nicely with their sisters or practice the piano or go to AWANAs because they are in school? Just because it happens at 10:30 in the morning at your house, doesn't mean it can't happen after 3:30 in the afternoon at my house.

However you choose to educate your child is your business.

  But there is not ONE way to do it. And there is not merely ONE way for each family. Kids are different, their needs are different, and situations change. And being fluid isn't being weak. It's being open minded and honest and putting your kids first.

And isn't that what parenting is all about?