Being open minded was not really a good thing. At least, not in the circles I was brought up in. Things were black and white, there was no gray, no room for compromise. God only worked in absolutes, and He surely never changed His mind. Consequently, I had a list of absolutes: lots of "I will/would never".
I would never put my kid in public school. Public school is where kids went when their parents were pagans! Even if the child went to church, it would be no match against the atheist teachers who would pave the way for them to do drugs, have babies at 12 and live a life dedicated to Satan's work.
I would never be in debt. Debt was caused by bad choices and/or not trusting God to meet your needs.
I would never get divorced. If you really trusted God and obeyed His plan for wives, there was nothing God couldn't heal your marriage of.
I would never put my child on medication for 'behavioral issues'. It had to be the work of the Devil, or poor/lazy parenting, or white bread.
Good gosh, reading just those four (only slightly exaggerated) examples makes me want to slam my younger self into a wall. (BTW, I completely apologize for my younger self. I can only imagine the things I said and the feelings I hurt. I am honestly filled with remorse and regret.)
If you know my family, or you have read this blog before, you probably know I have a difficult child. I love her, but she is enough to test my sanity most days. At first, we proclaimed her 'spirited'. Then as she got older, we began to see there was more at work in her brain than 'just' being spirited or sensitive. By her 6th birthday, it was incredibly obvious we needed some interventions. We saw her pediatrician for a referral, and then we had an appt with a 'shrink'. It was a clear cut case in his mind that we were dealing with major OCD and anxiety.
Meds were prescribed. I told almost no one because I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want to be labeled a bad mother, or a lazy mother. I didn't blog about it because I was afraid of being judged, and of her being labeled.
A few months went by. Gabe and I began to think there might be something else going on in our girl's cute head. We waited, tried to deal with it, read books, applied what we'd learned, tweaked her diet: nothing. Another doctor visit. Another med. Another label.
I have discovered something. Most of us moms think we are the only one dealing with *fill in the blank*. We feel alone and we feel shame. I have slooowllly uncovered something. I have friends with kids that have the same issues (or at least, very similar issues). And no one wants to talk about it; no one wants be labeled or judged or whatever. So then everyone else thinks they are alone.
This. Is. Craziness.
My name is Kim. My middle child is spirited, has Sensory Processing dysfunction, OCD, Anxiety, and ADHD.
If she had diabetes, would I refuse medication? If she needed glasses, would I tell her to try harder to see the page or punish her for squinting?
I no longer care if you think I am a lazy, medication happy, candy feeding, bad Christian. I don't. I do what I need to do. I home school AND have a child in public school because, guess what? My children aren't the same and they have different educational needs. And while God doesn't change His mind, there is a point (if you're honest and listening) where you reach the end of one thing He wants you to do (live here, work there, home school now, public school then) and you move into another phase.
You don't have to agree with me. That's okay. But if you need a friend because you too feel alone and judged, you hear this: I am here. Let's talk. Let's have a play date. Let's find the humor in our kid's quirks because we need to show them how to not be so serious and down on themselves for being different. And quite frankly, I could use a laugh every now and then. Text me in the middle of your next melt down while you are locked in the bathroom trying to stop crying. I will bring Starbucks to your window. Or I can hose you down with cold water. Whatever works. And then you can do the same for me.
