Unless You're in my Shoes

So, I have a child that is a challenge. Not that she isn't wonderful and funny, expressive, smart and insightful and 100 other 'positive' things, but she IS, honestly, very challenging. And I'm going to say it, because no one really wants to admit they have one of those. Or if they do, it's in hushed tones, down played and with piles of guilt.

So enough. She's a challenge. But she's my challenge and if you mess with her, I will bury your body where it will never be found.

She was my easiest pregnancy. No morning sickness, no cravings, and I carried her like a basketball under my shirt until towards the end where I got fat all over. But I digress.....

Then she got here. I tried to nurse her and I thought she was going to suck out my shoulder blade. It never got 'better' and I gave it up at 8 weeks. She was colicky. She wanted to be held all the time. She screamed as soon as she got in the car and cried til she got out. Every trip. For almost 2 yrs. She hated stores. She cried from entering til exiting. Every time. For over 2 yrs. When I took away her bottle she went on a milk strike that went on for almost a year.

Every thing she did made me feel like a failure as a mom. And it didn't help when I tried to talk about what was going on, no one thought it was really that bad. But it was. And everyone said it would pass. And it didn't. It just morphed. From one 'thing' to the next 'thing'. Then her personality got blamed on her red hair or being the second child. I figured that was it bc I had nothing else to go by.

As time went on, there were other things that would stand out to me at random...her physical abilities, her need to smell everything, her obsession with swinging and jumping. She HATED preschool. HATED. I finally let her 'quit' and her upset stomach stopped and she quit grinding her teeth.

Then my sister sent me this link HERE and it was like this mommy-blogger had been raising MY child the last 4 years.  It was a little unnerving. I like how she laid it all out in her blog, which is also part of an overview of a book that I ordered Right That Minute, which is why I linked you to her blog. No need for me to reinvent the wheel.

I was excited about this book helping me become the parent my daughter needed, but I was still skeptical. I wasn't sure it would work and what if my child was somehow manipulating me? Was I just giving in to her? Was I catering to a 'faulty' personality? Or what if she acted the way she did because I was a bad mother to her?

This book has helped me see that her brain is literally wired differently. And there are things and strategies that Gabe and I can use (very easy ones, no less!) to make things easier for us and work WITH her instead of setting us all up to fail. The closest example I can thing of is this: If your child is dyslexic, is insisting/yelling/punishing them going to make them NOT reverse their letters and numbers? Can you 'make' them NOT be dyslexic? If you just stick to your guns and refuse to recognize the difference your LD child has, will that somehow make them be able to read? NO. It won't and it can't.

It's the same with a 'spirited' child. And you can believe what you want, and you can think what you want, but you CAN'T tell me that this isn't real. Or that I'm wrong. Or that my child is anything less than awesome. If you don't have a spirited child, you haven't walked in my shoes.

I don't want anyone to think that this blog is a rant or a letter in my defense. I have written this blog so that other frustrated parents can maybe see their own child in mine, or ease their own 'mommy guilt' and find the same resource I have. I am only half way thru the book, and I feel like I have a different outlook. I have better skills and me and my child (and thereby the REST of my family) are flowing better.

I am working on giving my daughter coping skills and self confidence while she learns that I understand her and love her to pieces. And isn't that what being a parent is all about?

Here is a link to the book.